I can understand not wanting to buy a tool for whatever reason, but wow, there's a lot in your post. I'll bite, but I'll keep it to your first 4 points.
I don't understand the appeal of these kind of guides:
1) Takes patience/skill to setup.
Slide it into the miter slot, adjust the width of the rip. Make the cut. Nudge the fence.
I'm a pretty patient person, my skill is debatable, and I can set up the jig in less than a minute.
2) Takes eyesight and skill to move the guide for each rip.
Eyesight, yes. I've acknowledged that I can't get by in the shop without my readers. Ugh, the fun of getting old. Skill? Well, you're just placing a cursor over a mark, not sure how much skill is required.
I moved the fence, kissed the bearing with the material, did a quick feel of the friction on the bearing, and made my cut. It wasn't hard and I didn't need to use a feeler gauge.
3) They're expensive.
I'll give you that. Certainly more expensive than my DIY jig. But it's shiny and red!

4) They can't be that accurate.
I needed a few 4mm thin strips for edge banding. I used my old eyes to set up the jig and if you look close enough, I was ever so slightly + of the 4mm mark. It took me about 5 minutes to knock these out (I take my time, this is not production work for me, and I turn off my saw between rips to be safe). Even so, my accuracy from cut to cut was 4.10, 4.11, and 4.12.

Wixey fence accuracy:

Anyhow, my results might not be accurate enough for a machinist, but they're pretty accurate for
my woodworking.
Cheers,
Anthony